| DIARY 2011
PREFACE :
IN 2009 MY PARENTS DID CAME BACK TO GERMANY AND I HAD A VERY DIFFICULT PERIOD. BY THE END OF 2009 I WAS BEEN IN THE LUNATIC ASSYLUM CAPTURED AND THERE I SAW THAT NOBODY WOULD HELP ME AND I SAW THAT I WAS NO FREE MAN ANY MORE. THE WINTER IN 2010 WAS HARD AND THIS WINTER IN 2011 WILL BE HARD TOO. TIME DOES CHANGE AND ESPECIALLY IN 2010 I SAW THAT I WAS FREE AS I WAS WORKING. I SAW THAT ONLY ME BY MY SELF IS ABLE TO DO SOMETHING FOR MY FREEDOM. I SAW THAT MY FINANCIAL SITUATION WAS REALLY BAD AND I SAW THAT THIS SITUATION HAS TO BE BETTER IN THE FUTURE FOR A BETTER FUTURE.
Saturday, 1.1.2011 Today I saw the Rockets at midnight and I was not playing my guitar. I knew that outside it was too cold and that the snow was on the balcony. So I was calm for this year. I had no bad feeling and I went to bed to sleep. I was dreaming some lions who were wild and then I was waking up. I was playing today the whole day the strategy game Command and Conquer. Then I went to the cellar in the evening and I wrote diary.
Sunday, 2.1.2011 Today I was walking to Aldingen. In Aldingen I took the subway back and I was walking to the gas station. Then I was playing computer games. In the evening mother was cutting my hair.
Monday, 3.1.2011 Today I was standing up early and I went to my job. At my job there was no work and I was playing all the time. After my job I went back home and at home I also was playing command and conquer and then I was writing diary.
Tuesday, 4.1.2011 Today I was going to my job at the Hohenzoller street. There I was working and then I went back home. At home I was relaxing.
Wednesday, 5.1.2011 Today I went to my job. At my job there was calling Yousuf and Si Ding was calling me. After my job I went to Yousuf. We wanted to find a bed and we drove to the Mann mobilia store. There we didnt found a bed. We bought a lot of alcohol in the REWE store in Freiberg. I was drinking much alcohol as Yousuf left the flat. Yousuf came back and he told to me that he wanted to buy marihuana and that the police was taking his passport.
Thursday,6.1.2011 Today I woke up in the flat of Yousuf and I went back home.
On my way I was walking from Hochberg to Neckarrems.At home I was sleeping all day long.
Friday, 7.1.2011 Today I was going with mother to shopping and I was playing my guitar in the cellar. I was offering 250 visit cards in the internet and I lost a 30 Euros on my account. That was bad.
Saturday, 8.1.2011 Today I was at home all day. I went with mother and with Georg to shopping. Then in the evening I had enough of it all as I saw that Si Ding wanted to give me no more sex. I went to the chinese restaurant Jade Garten in Neckarrems. There I was talking about a marriage with a chinese one with the owner – his name was Nam.
Sunday, 9.1.2011 Today I woke up early in the flat of Yousuf. I went to the S-train and I drove from Freiberg to Ludwigsburg. In Ludwigsburg I took the bus to Neckarrems. In Neckarrems I was tired and I was sleeping. Mother brought me some food and Georg did came. Georg wanted to play on the computer as I discovered that the computer had problems to boot up. Then I wanted to install Linux on the computer but the computer had an error on the hard disk. I had enough of the computer and I wrote my diary manually.
Monday, 10.1.2011 Today I was waking up early in the morning. I was going to my job and I really had a stupid time. I went walking with Vincenco Scalisi after my job. We went to Freiberg from the Favorite Park station. In Freiberg Vincenco was showing me his computer and then we went to Yousuf. There we were disassembling the computer of Yousuf. Then I went with Vincenzo to the rail station. I drove back home. At home I took the computer and I was reinstalling my computer.
Tuesday, 11.1.2011 As I was reinstalling my computer it was 3:30am and I was laying into my bed and I was sleeping for an hour or two. Then the mobile phone was ringing and I went to my job. At my job I had a team seating in the afternoon and there my parents came too. After my job I went back home. At home I switched on the computer and I was tired. The computer was again booting extremely slowly. Georg did came and we were installing again the computer game command and conquer. I was listening to ACDC and I was happy as I wrote diary.
Wednesday, 12.1.2011 Today I went to my job. At my job I was doing such a stupid work. In the bus I saw a chinese. I thought it was Nam. The chinese was sleeping in the bus. After my job I went back home. At home I was listening to ACDC. As I took my guitar and as I was playing it I saw that my sound was no good sound. Finally I found a sound that was ACDC like and I called the sound with I like ACDC. I had nothing to smoke and so I went to the gas station and I bought some tobacco.
Thursday, 13.1.2011 Today I went to my job I was working and after my job I went back home. At home I was playing my guitar and I was listening to ACDC. The sound of ACDC gave me a sound on my guitar and I was satisfied with that sound. I called that sound with god bless ACDC.
Friday, 14.1.2011 Today I was going to my job. At my job I told that I would go to the house of the whore because Si Ding gave me no sex. I was agressive at my job. That was bad. In the afternoon break I went to the Mayer electronic store and I bought the TV cable. As our Boss was releasing us I drove to Yousuf because I saw the jew Bahagi at the bus stop. In Freiberg I went with Yousuf to shopping and I was listening there to ACDC.
Saturday, 15.1.2011 Today I woke up in the flat of Yousuf. In Freiberg I was walking with Yousuf to Pleidelsheim. I went back home in the late afternoon. In the bus I saw a pretty chinese woman. I went out where she went out. She told me that she was married. So I went back home. At home I discovered that my hard disk on my computer died. I was playing guitar.
Sunday, 16.1.2011 Today I woke up early in the morning. I went to the day care after playing guitar in my room. At home I also was installing the TV cable that was leading to my cellar. In the daycare Si Ding didnt came. I knew that it was over with her then. I took the 3D camera and I recorded my guitar playing in the daycare.
Back at home I was sharing the video in the internet.
Monday, 17.1.2011 Today I was tired at my job because I was not sleeping. After my job I went to the psichiatrist Dr. Mammele. Mother was waiting there. Dr. Mammele gave me a new medicine. Back at home I took the medicine and I was sleeping immediately the whole night without a problem.
Tuesday, 18.1.2011 Today I went to my job and I was tired despite of the fact that I was sleeping good. I went back home after my job and I was sleeping soon. At home I was playing my guitar.
Wednesday, 19.1.2011 Today I went to my job and I was not that tired like yesterday. At my computer lesson I wrote then diary. I became from a muslim a tag with the 100 names of Allah at my job. After my job I went back home. On my way I saw Si Ding and I was kissing her. Si Ding didnt wanted to give me any sex. Then I went back home. At home I was sleepin soon then.
Thursday, 20.1.2011 Today I went to my job and I was doing the stupid job. After my job I was calling Yousuf and I told to him that I would have enough and that I would not come on weekend to him. Then I went back home. At home the hard disk and Windows 7 came from the pearl shop. Immediately I was installing my system and everything was running well. As it was late I went to bed to sleep.
Friday, 21.1.2011 Today I went to my job. Mr. Wörz drove us to the workplace of Si Ding in Kornwestheim. Her workplace was really terrible and stupid. I didn't saw some japanese woman and then Mr. Wörz drove us back to work. After my job I went back home. At home I was going then with mother to shopping. Mother drove me first to Ludwigsburg but the beggars shop was full. Then we drove to Stuttgart. There mother bought some food in the Bad Canstatt beggars shop. We drove to the stores in Aldingen and we bought some food.
Back at home I wrote then diary on my restored PC.
Saturday , 22.1.2011 Today I was at home all day. I was writing an application for a job in the evening and I was playing my guitar. Therefore I was installing a music software on my computer. I was sleeping a lot today.
Sunday, 23.1.2011 Today I wanted to go to the day care but I had no will because the weather was bad. So I went to the gas station and I was buying filters for cigarettes. I wrote applications the whole day. In the evening I was chatting with Si Ding on Skype. I told to Si Ding that I could buy to her a TV. Si Ding told that she didn't wanted a TV and so our discussion ended.
Monday, 24.1.2011 Today I went to Ludwigsburg to the day care and there I also was sending an application on my e-mail to a company in Fellbach. I was waiting for Si Ding but Si Ding didn't came . As it was afternoon I had enough. I drove back home and I was uninstalling Skype on my Computer. I was having my muslim trip in the internet and I was reading the kuran as I was contacting Musab Ahmet Gharib in the Yahoo Messenger.
Tuesday, 25.1.2011 Today I stood up in Neckarrems. I went to the day care to meet Si Ding. Si Ding was calling me on the phone and she told to me that I shall hurry to come to the day care. As I came to the day care I saw that Si Ding was not there. So I drove to Freiberg to Yousuf Yacoub. There I was calling Si Ding and I told to her that I was becoming a muslim and that she should wear a head scarf. Yousuf came and I told to him that my brain was washed by muslims. Yousuf made coffee and we went to the supermarket where we bought some food. Then we went back to the flat of Yousuf. Yousuf had no money at the bank. We ate pizza and then we wanted to go to buy the bed in Eglosheim. The S-train didn't came and so we went to shopping in Freiberg. I bought a phone credit at the Schlecker store but the phone service was not functioning. We went to the EDK store and there we were shopping.
Wednesday, 26.1.2011 Today I stood up in the flat of Yousuf very early. I went with Yousuf to Neckarrems. There I took the visit cards that came from the company vista print. I deleted my YouTube account completely and then I went with Yousuf to Ludwigsburg. In Ludwigsburg we bought some food at the rail station. Back in the flat of Yousuf Mrs. Weng came and she didn't gave a money to Yousuf. After that I went with Yousuf to the Mann Mobilia store in Eglosheim and there we bought a bed.
Thursday, 27.1.2011 Today I stood up late in the flat of Yousuf Yacoub. We decided to eat nothing for three days because of the suicidal thoughts of Yousuf. We were laying in bed the whole day and in the evening we went to shopping to the REWE store behind the rails. There we bought drinks and pizza ingredients. Yousuf could not keep to fast. Then I told to him that he shall make a small pizza. But Yousuf made a big pizza and so I had a lot to eat in the late evening.
Friday, 28.1.2011 Today I woke up in the flat of Yousuf early and we went to Ludwigsburg. In Ludwigsburg we took the 433 bus to Hochdorf. In Hochdorf Yousuf was phoning his adviser. He wanted to become a money to buy him pants because we wanted to go to the Synagogue on Saturday. The advisor Mrs. Schuster told to Yousuf that she was not willing to give him money. I told to Yousuf that we could go to my parents in Neckarrems and that I would give to him the money for going to the Synagogue. But Yousuf was offended by that and we had to go to his adviser. As we were in Bittenfeld the adviser of Yousuf gave to Yousuf 50 Euros and according to Yousuf she told to him that he shall come back with the pants and with the bill.
I told to Yousuf that we could make that over the internet and then we drove with the bus to Hochberg. In Hochberg Yousuf bought two pants. There Yousuf went to the gambling house where he wanted to play for 10Euros. I told to Yousuf that the bus would come and that we shall go and so I interrupted Yousuf in gambling. We drove to Neckargröningen and there Yousuf was waiting at the subway stop during I went home to my parents. Yousuf didn't wanted to come to my house as I told that my parents have been inviting him. So I gave to mother the suit that Yousuf was gifting to me and mother was ironing it. I took a cravat from home and I was dressed fine for the Synagogue. Yousuf was waiting at the subway stop because I told to him that I would not visit him for three months if he would not wait. Then we tok the subway to Mühlhausen and there we went to the Kaufland. There I was buying a belt and shoes. Back in Neckargröningen the bus had to come later. Yousuf saw that he lost his gloves. We went then shopping in Aldingen and we bought some food and drinks. As we came back with the subway to Neckargröningen we caught the bus to Hochberg. In Hochberg we took the bus to Poppenweiler because Yousuf told it was cold. In the bus Yousuf asked the bus driver about his gloves. We had to wait for the bus in Poppenweiler and then the bus drove us to Bittenfeld. In Bittenfeld Yousuf saw his gloves at the bank and then he went to his adviser to show to the adviser the bills. Yousuf told to me that I shall wait at the bus stop for him. As Yousuf came back from the adviser (it took about 45 minutes) then he told that the adviser was not giving to him a money as he told to her that he had the intention to go to the Synagogue. Further he was in the shop where he was buying alcohol. According to Yousuf the adviser was promising to Yousuf a money for the Synagogue on next Saturday. Then we were waiting for the bus for a long time. We took the bus to Hochberg and there we went to the gambling house. I gave to Yousuf a 2 Euros for gambling and I interrupted the game as I had three Euros. I went to the toilet and then I saw that Yousuf was lying to me that he would have no money. He had additional 2 Euros for gambling and he was loosing his money. So we took the bus to Neckargröningen and then we took the bus 432 to Ludwigsburg. We took the S train to Freiberg and Yousuf was very tired. So we went to sleep. As it was 11:30pm Yousuf made a pizza and I ate pizza.
Saturday, 29.1.2011 Early in the morning at 3:40am Yousuf made pizza. He ate only a part of his pizza. I stood up somewhere at 8:00am and I told to Yousuf that we shall go to the Synagogue. As it was 9:30 Yousuf was awake but he didn't wanted to stand up to go to the Synagogue. I dressed on and I told to Yousuf that he shall come next Friday to the Theo Lorch workshop at 12:00 o clock and that we would go then to the Synagogue. I was disappointed of Yousuf and I went back to Neckarrems. In Neckarrems I saw no significant internet activities and my new mobile phone also didn't came. So I wrote then diary for the recent days of my holiday with Yousuf.
Sunday, 30.1.2011 Today I was waking in Neckarrems and I went nowhere. I was the whole day at home and I was playing my guitar. I had a boring day and I knew that I should not go to Si Ding I knew that it was over with her.
Monday, 31.1.2011 Today I went to work to the Kastanienallee. There I was in the workshop and I was doing my job. After my job I had an idea on what I could do in the Theo Lorch workshop and I was creating a document about my idea. Then I was going to bed.
Tuesday,1.2.2011 Today I woke up early and I went to my job. At my job I was arguing with Mr. Bauhoffer about my idea to program the balances. Then I told to Mr. Bauhoffer that I was not satisfied with the results of the team seating with Mr. Grube. Mr. Bauhoffer was promising me that I would go sooner to the quality control branch and he told that the IFD for seeking me a new job would be activated sooner. Then I went after my job to the library and I was giving back my book that I borrowed. Then I went to the Vodafone store and I took a new mobile phone SIM card. I had enough of Si Ding and I had enough of Yousuf. Then I went back home. At home mother told to me that she didn't took the new mobile phone.
Wednesday,02.02.11 Today I went to my job. At the bus stop a woman was falling down. I was helping her to stand up. I was working the whole day. After my job I went back home and at home I was listening to muslim music.
Thursday,03.02.11 Today I stood up early and I went to my job. I was working the whole day and after my job I went back home. At home my new mobile arrived and I was installing it. I switched off my old mobile phone so Si Ding could not call me any more. As the hour got late I wrote diary.
Friday,04.2.2011 Today I was going to my job. Mr. Bauhoffer gave me a treaty about data and the handling with company internal data and I have signed it. After my job I went to town I took a money and I bought a plastic puppet because Yousuf didn´t came. Then I went back home. On my way I saw Thomas Bader. At home I was sitting in front of the computer and I was watching TV. As the hour got late I took my medicine and I went to bed to sleep.
Saturday,05.2.2011 Today I was down somehow. I was the whole day in the cellar and I was playing the guitar. In the evening I was installing TUX guitar on my computer and I made a composition. It sounded rather bad. I took my medicine and I went to bed to sleep.
Sunday,06.02.11 Today I stood up late and I was doing my composition right. I was calling Dieter Renner and I told to him about my composition. I was also sending to Dieter an SMS message where I told to him that I would pay him every month a 50 Euros for the band. Then I went walking to Hochberg and back. The weather was fine and many people were greeting me. Back at home I wrote then diary on my mobile phone. After writing my diary I was playing with the music software that I had. I was active with that until midnight.
Monday,07.02.11 Today I went to my job and I stood up early. At my job there was no work until the afternoon. I was tired and in the afternoon break I wrote some lines of my diary during I was relaxing.After my job I went to the Vodafone store. There I took the password for my internet connection with Vodafone. Back at home I was in the internet. Yahoo was malfunctioning and I was installing then the internet on my mobile phone. I had password problems and the connection with the internet was not described from Vodafone for windows mobile. So I had several problems with MMS and internet on my mobile phone but at least I succeeded to install the internet and mail on my american simvalley phone.
Tuesday 08.02.11 Today I went to my job and I was writing to my chief an e-mail. I was really proud for having a working e-mail adress at my job. Especially as my chief answered to my phone - that was great.
I also remarked that somebody from the net was sending to me an empty document with the name blacklist. After my job I went immediately back home. At home I was writing then my diary during I was relaxing.
I was in the internet writing some things about politics and then I took my medicine and I was sleeping soon.
Wednesday,09.02.11 Today I went to my job. I had problems with standing up but I caught the bus and then I drove to my job. In the afternoon break I was relaxing and I wrote diary. At my job I was tired. After my job I went immediately back home. At home I was relaxing in the bed and I wrote diary.
Thursday,10.02.11 Today I went to my job early in the morning. At my job I went to Mrs. Hammhaber. She told to me that my e-mail didn't arrived in her mail. After my job I went back home and I was very tired because of the new medicine that I took. I went to bed soon and I was sleeping.
Friday, 11.02.11 Today I went to my job and I stood up early. At my job I was working and I had sports. The weather was fine and I was talking with Stefan about my past and about Wikileaks. After my job I went to the dentist and I saw that the surgery of the dentist was closed. Then I went back home. At home I switched on my computer and I wanted to go to my Yahoo mail like usually. I saw only that my mail was not exsisting any more. That was a big shock for me and I only saw that somebody tried to knock down my internet communication. Then I was trying to access my mail in Vodafone. I only saw that the Vodafone site was blocking my mail because somebody tried to access my Vodafone mail. Again I was shocked it was the clear horror in the internet. I felt observed and I knew that somebody was violating my human rights. I said to mother what there did happened and mother told to me that I should contact the Yahoo website service and that I should tell there what happened. It was a severe hacker attack that I was been through. I went down into my cellar and I tried to access my personal website in freewebs. I saw that somebody erased my website. My shock got bigger as I was trying to access my Paypal account I saw that the account was not existing any more. Then I had enough and I needed a break of all that. I was laying in the bed and I was calming down by writing my diary on my mobile cell phone. Somebody tried to destroy identity in the internet. Somehow I succeeded to send the e-mail with my mobile phone to the Yahoo service that I found in the internet and I was calming down.
Saturday, 12.02.11 Today I was printing out my application form and then I was playing guitar. In the evening I went to the gas station and I bought papers for making cigarettes. I went back home and at home I made a music CD. I was playing guitar until late in the evening.
Sunday,13.02.2011 Today I was the whole day at home. I was watching TV.In the afternoon I went walking to Aldingen and I took the subway back home. I was playing command and conquer until the hour got late.
Monday,14.02.11 Today I stood up early and I went to my job. At my job I was doing my stupid work and somehow I opened my eyes. I only saw that I was happy with my job. Especially I saw that it was good to have no money and apsolutely no friends or a relation with my former girlfriend Si Ding. I only saw that I was happy and I allways thougt that all those things were only a big illusion. I thought that the universe will tear down into peaces one day and that all those things - everything what ever it would be would vanish by the force of the dark matter or energy. All that I have been and all that what mankind was and what it is - it will be an illusion. I was happy because knew about that.
Tuesday,15.2.2011 Today I went to my job. The weather was bad and I went nowhere. After my job I went back home and at home I was playing command and conquer until I was winning. It was late as I went to bed to sleep.
Wednesday,16.02.11 Today I stood up early in the morning. I told to Georg that I was winning the game yesterday. Then I went to my job. I was tired at my job. In the morning I had the computer lesson. There I was learning about EXEL. I had a walk back to my company and I continued to do my stupid job. After my job I went to the rail station. I was tired and somehow I was so down - I felt really bad. I bought for father the machine for making cigarettes and then I took the bus back home. At home I was relaxing for a while and then Georg did came. He wanted to see how I was winning in command and conquer. So I was playing with him until 8:00pm. Then I took my medicine and I went to bed to sleep.
Thursday, 17.02.11 Today I stood up early and I went to my job. At my job I was tired. Dennis Storz was insulting me at my work and he said that I would be the dog Paul. I told to him then that I would go to the chief if he would not stop with that. After my job I went immediately back home. At home I was watching TV.
Friday, 18.02.11 Today I was going to my job as I stood up early in the morning. At my job everything was all right. After my job I was waiting for my bus and I drove back home. At home I was tired and I was laying in my bed as I wrote diary. Georg did came and I was playing command and conquer with him. We allways have been loosing. The hour got late and I went to bed to sleep.
Saturday, 19.02.11 Today I stood up later. I was playing command and conquer with Georg the whole day. At least I won the big battle in
the hard mode and then I won some smaller fights in the hard mode. As the hour was late I went to bed to sleep.
Sunday, 20.02.11 Today I stood up late and I was relaxing. Georg came int my room and I was playing my Guitar as I stood up. Again I was playing command and conquer with Georg. I was playing it until the late afernoon. I took my shower today and I was shaving. Then I went out walking. This time I took my 3d camera and I made a picture with it. Everything seemed so senseless and stupid to me. Today I took my free entrance card for the embedded world exhibition and I threw it into the trash. I just decided to save my money and to go not to Nuremburg. I didnt't had any gain of those electronic projects that I made so I decided to forget for a while that I was an an egineer of electronics. After my shower I went walking to Aldingen. In Aldingen I saw the grafiti on the wall and I only thought that those people who made that have been payed for making such stupid gaphiti. I just could not see any useful information in any of those sprays on the wall. I only thought on how stupid those have been. That was no freedom it was that what somebody from the community payed for a look like freedom.In the evening I went to bed later and I was playing the deadly serato in command and conquer until I was winning in the middlle mode.
Monday, 21.02.11 Today I woke up in the middle of the night. I could not sleep and then I was watching TV and I was in the internet. After that I had a sexual affair with my plastic puppet as the hour got 4:00am. I slept for an other hour and then the phone woke me up. I went to my job and at my job I allways thought why I was writing diary and everything seemed so senseless to me. But then I remembered the good old Serbian spell : "the idiot is allways remembering and the intelligent is writing" . So I chose to be the intelligent and I continued to write. I was working on the printing machine at my job and I asked my chief how it would be if I would buy a small CNC milling machine for making such a printing matrix. My chief was sceptical and he said that this would not be efficient. The end of the time at my job came fast and mother was waiting in front of my company. Mother drove me to the surgery of my psychiatrist and there we had to wait. So I wrote some lines of my diary. After the psychiatrist I went to the drug store and I took my medicine. Then Mother drove me to the Lidl store in Aldingen. There we have been shopping. Back at home I was in the internet and I didn't went to sleep.
Tuesday, 22.02.11 Today I had problems with standing up. As I stood up I was deleting that malfunctioning Lazarus software. Then I went to my job. At my job I was tired. After my job I went immediately back home and there I was sleeping.
Wednesday, 23.02.11 Today I woke up early. I dressed on and I went to my job. At my job I had a time in the morning and I wrote diary. After the 9 o clock break I had the computer lesson. In the Hohenzoller branch of our company I saw Brigitte Engel. She told to me that Dietet Renner was drinking alcohol and so on. I saw Vincenzo and I told to him that I didn't knew what to write to him. At the computer lesson I was invited to talk about the new Windows 7 system. I was explaining those widgets in Widows 7 and the new things that Windows 7 had to offer. Then I had a walk back to my workshop and I was explainig to Dennis Storz why I would not participate in politics at all. Back in the workshop it was lunch time and I wrote diary as I was relaxing. After my job I went back home immediately. On my way I saw the mad woman Maria Belvedere. At home I was relaxing and I wrote about my day. I was playing my guitar as Georg came into my room and then I was playing command and conquer with him. We won the deadly seraro in the heavy mode. I gave to Georg the command as we were winning and Georg won the game but he lost all airbases. After gaming in the computer I was on the way in the internet. There I was downloading a calculator software for my phone. The hour was 10pm as I went to bed to sleep.
Thursday, 24.02.11 Today I went to my job early in the morning. This time I didn't took my rucksack. At my job I felt sick and I had a rough lounge. In the break I was smoking and I was writing diary. After my job I went immediately back home. At home I was laying in the bed because I felt sick and I had a headake. Mother came into my room and I told to her that I would feel sick. Mother was measuring my temperature and indeed I had a high temperature. So I was laying in the bed for the rest of the evening.
Friday, 25.02.11 Today I was sick. I went with mother to the doctor and I got one week sick. Then I went back home. At home I was laying in the bed. Today I was the whole day sick. I was happy because I got one whole week written as sick - So I didn't had to play my guitar. The evening came and I was not smoking all day.
Saturday, 26.02.11 Today I was not that sick any more. I was playing command and conquer with Georg all day. In the evening I was installing an anti virus software on the computer.
Sunday, 27.02.11 Today I stood up later. I went to the bank and there was nothing new. Then I switched on my computer and I took all my account prints and I visualized the results of my money on my account during the beginning of the year until now. Georg was sitting next to me as I did the chart in open office. Then I was playing computer games with Georg. I had enough of gaming and then I took my guitar and I made a composition that I called mycdc.
Monday,28.02.11 Today I woke up later. I was sick for this week and I have been using TUX guitar to make some new songs with my guitar.
In the morning I went to the bank and there I took my account bill. In the late afternoon I discovered the software guitar pro. It was really a ten times better than the TUX guitar software. Especially I was impressed by that clear guitar sound and so I wanted to buy that software. In the late afternoon I drove with the bus to Ludwigsburg and there I bought a traffic ticket then I was searching the software in the Saturn shop, but I didn't found it. So I went back home and there I ordered the software in the internet shop Pearl. I tried out the software and it was really impressive. Father was the whole day in the cellar watching politics. Mother was allright and Georg came in the evening from school.
Tuesday, 01.03.11 Today I was lazy. It was a sunny day outside and I went walking. Somehow I was playing with the internet in the morning. Then I was playing my guitar. As Georg came I was playing command and conquer with him. The hour got late and I went to bed to sleep.
Wednesday, 02.03.11 Today I woke up early and I was playing my guitar until the afternoon. Then I was walking to Aldingen and there I took the subway back home. At home I was sleeping. Georg did came from school and he told to me that he was discriminated in school and that his fellows told to him that he would be dumb.
Thursday, 03.03.11 Today I was standing up later. I had no will somehow. I was playing my guitar and I wrote some notes in Tux guitar. I was waiting for the new software to come. In the late afternoon I went to the dentist and there the dentist was inspecting and restoring my teeth. Then I went to the library and there I took a book. I went back home and at home I was playing guitar. The new software guitar pro arrived and it was totally different than the TUX guitar software. I tried to load up some songs from TUX but my songs sounded ugly on the conversion - so I decided to write new songs.
Friday,04.03.11 Today I was composing the sunny day and then I was walking to Aldingen. There I took the subway back. Back at home I was continuing to do compositions on my PC -that was a lot of fun.Georg was in my room and we were playing command and conquer. I won the battle and then I was listening to those ACDC TABs and I wondered on how easy it was to play like ACDC. But I liked the way in that ACDC was making the parts. So the day did ended and I was in my bed and I wrote diary.
Saturday, 05.03.11 Today I was active with Delphi pascal programming. I just had the big aim to scan three dimensional objects. But somehow I had no plan in the afternoon. Then I went walking to Aldingen and back. After my walk I succeeded to store down the data of red pixels, that were generated by a laser ,to a text file. In the evening I thought about all that what I have been doing. Somehow I saw that I had gained massively data that I could not use in any way.
Sunday,06.03.11 Today I stood up later and I was desinstalling the Delphi software. I continued to play guitar and today I composed the song battle for nothing and I also was making first comsitions with the keyboard that I had. I took back the keyboard from Georg because I saw that he was not playing it. I was angry on Georg. I went walking to Aldingen as the hour was 3:00pm. In Aldingen I took the subway back because the weather was not that fine. I have been composing music until into the evening and then I went to bed to sleep.
Monday,07.03.11 Today I woke up after a strange dream. I dreamt that my reallity here where I was was only a dream. The mobile phone woke me with my metal sound that I have been creating on guitar pro. Immediately I was awake and I dressed on. At home I switched on my computer and I was watching TV. Then I went to mom and I had my breakfast. Today it was a sunny day. I went to my job and in the bus i got a seat because it was holliday at school. I went to the Kaufland store and there I was printing out my account information. Then I bought a Hanuta candy in the Kaufland store. I went to my job. At my job I had to assemble some parts from Bosch Rexroth. I was very quick and in the breaks I was not smoking. Somehow I had a good concenation today. So I saw that I was too quick for my fellows and I went to the toilet where I wrote some lines of my diary. After my job I saw the sun shining and I chose to take a walk back home. I was walking through the fields and I went to my former school in Aldingen. There I saw in the corner of the sports hall the paint on the wall where there stood written Kokain. I only thought that the youth was consuming drugs there. I went to my home and at home Georg came to me. I tried to teach him playing the keyboard but then I saw that Georg had no sense for rythm. So I tried to teach him rythm first. But Georg went to mom and he didn't wanted to learn any thing. He told to me :"I do not want to learn your stupid rythm. So I saw only that I had no interest to teach Georg any thing. I saw only that Georg had the interest to learn something. I was tired and I went to bed to sleep.
Tuesday,08.03.11 Today I stood up early and I went to my job. At my job i was doing my stupid work. In the afternoon I succeeded to smoke not for a while.
After my job I went immediately back home. At home I was tired and I composed a song with the name Tired. Georg came to me and he wanted to play with me. I explained to Georg that I would be mad and that it would be better to play not with me. Further I told to Georg that he should forget all the things that I told and that I have been showing to him. I saw that this would be the best way for Georg. Father was watching politics and I was smoking with him. Father had a bad influence to me accordi my smoking behaviour. In the late evening I was watching some internet robots and then I went to bed to sleep.
Wednesday, 09.03.11 Today I stood up early in the morning. I was smoking two cigarettes in the room of father. Then I had breakfast and mom told me good bye as I went to my job. At my job I was doing quallity control and I wrote down what I wa doing. On lunch time I wrote diary. In the afternoon I made first measurments by my own. It was easy to make those measurments. After my job I went back home immediately and at home I was making my composition with the title tired. Georg came to me and as mother came I told to mother that Georg should not come to me because I would be mad. Mother ignored that and Georg came again to me. Then I was watching a web robot called spykee in the internet.
Thursday,10.03.11 Today I stood up early and I went to my job. At home I was smoking and I was watching a spy robot how it was made very simple. Then I went to my job. At my job we had an excursion. Mr. Steeb drove us to Waiblingen to the cinema and there a woman explained to us how the cinema was organized. Then we drove back to the Theo Lorch workshop. At my job I was doing my work. This time it was not that stupid. In the break Mrs. Sankar told me That she heared bad things about my former GF Si Ding and she told to me that I should not contact Si Ding.
After my job I went back home immediately. At home I was smoking. I was tired somehow. Georg came into my room and I was doing nothing. After Georg I wanted to chat with Si Ding. I was installing Skype. But then I saw that I was mad. I took my medicine and then I was composing the song Admire your illusion. Late in the evening I went to bed to sleep.
Friday,11.03.11 Today I woke up early in the morning and I was smoking two or three cigarettes in the room of father. Then I went to my job. I bought an energy drink in the store and then I went to the Theo Lorch workshop. At my job we had sports and we were walking to Pattonville. After my job I saw mother and father. Mother drove in the car and she picked me up at the bus stop.We drove to Aldingen and there we were shopping in the Aldi store. Then we drove back home. At home I was watching Internet sites about building a robot with a WLAN router. I did that the whole night.
Saturday,12.03.11 Today I was sleeping not much. I stood up late and I was composing the song admire your illusion. Late in the evening I was listening to some TABs of ACDC and then I composed black wheels.
Sunday,13.03.11 Today I stood up late. I was composing black wheels and it was really fun. In the late afternoon I bought tobacco on the gas station and I went back home. I composed the song black wheels and I really liked the music.
Monday,14.03.11 Today I stood up early as my mobile phone woke me up. I was in the internet and I watched some scenes about the terrible catastrophy in Japan. Then I had breakfast and then I drove to my job. I went to the Kaufland store and there I bought my favorite monster energy drink. I went to the workshop and everything was allright. At my job I was doing again such a stupid work. In the afternoon break I went to the gas station and I bought my favorite monster drink. Then I had a walk and as I had nothing to do then I wrote here some lines. After my job I went back home. At home I was watching TV about Japan and I made some video records about the catastrophy in Japan. Further I was offering my help for Japan on a japanese website and I was contacting the german embassy in Japan about that issue. Those sceenes were really shocking. After I was watching that I could not sleep all night.
Tuesday,15.03.11 Today I went to my job and I was very tired. At my job I was working but somehow I was agressive in the morning. I told to my fellow workers that I was sleeping bad. After my job I went back home immediately. I was very tired and mother made dinner. Then I went to bed to sleep soon.
Thursday,17.03.11 Today I went to my job and I was doing my stupid work. After my job I went back home immediately. At home I saw the nuclear catastrophy in Japan on the TV and I was down somehow.
Friday, 18.03.2011 Today I went to my job. Again we had an excursion. We went to the Kaufland store where we had breakfast and then we went to the fashion museum in the Ludwigsburg castle. After the excursion I went to town and I bought a laptop there in a second hand shop. Then I went back home. At home I orded many parts that I needed for the mobile Robot. Again I was up until late.
Saturday,19.03.11 Today I was going to Ludwigsburg in the afternoon. I was paying the RC car that I have been ordering and then I gave back my boock that I have ordered. Back at home I was programming in Delphi a simple server. I was programming it until very late. Then I went to bed to sleep.
Sunday, 20.03.11 Today I went nowhere and I was busy with my router. I was installing into the router the WEP encoding so that there could be no intrusion into our network. On the router server I saw a strange computer that was not in our network. I renamed our router to Dukanovic and I tried to install a wireless network but I didn't succeeded. It was a sunny day and mother was working in the garden. I went to the gas station and I bought filters for cigarettes. Then I went back home. At home I saw that the internet connection was breaking often down. But I had to have my home security and I didn't wanted to go back into the old state. In the evening I went to sleep soon and I had enough. Georg was knocking on my nervs and I was playing guitar loud.
Monday,21.03.11 Today I went to my job and I was working. As I made some measurments I saw that some dimensions were not clear. I made a three dimensional sketch and I added the sketch to the documentation of the Theo Lorch workshop. It was allright today. After my job I went back home. At home Georg came to me and again I didn't knew what to explain to him. I told to him that I would do some things that he would not understand. Then I was asking mother and father about the Internet. Both complained about the net and they told that the net was not running stabile. As I was looking in the rooter server then I saw that several intrusion attempts have been taking place today. I tried to explain to dad and mom that the secured connection was under a steady attack. My parents got fear and they switched off the router completely. Mom and dad wanted to contact the internet provider and then I saw that our internet security was a bad idea. I saw that I might end up in the lunatic assylum in the worst case. So I was reseting the router to its factory defaults. I was in my room and I wrote my documentation about the robot project that I have been starting. During I wrote my documentation I was also contacting Jonathan Bennet in the U.S. To ask him for the permission to mention him in my documentation. During my documentation I saw that it was the best way for me and for Georgon how we could start the project. I saw that I had to explain to Georg what I was doing and I saw that Georg was a child who knows not much about electronics. The hour got late and I wrote seven sheets today. Then I stopped with writing I brushed my teeth and I went to bed to sleep.
Tuesday,22.03.11 Todday I woke up early and I went to my job. At my job I made a good scetch and there was not much work. After my job I went back home immediately. At home I was in the internet and I ordered the CAD software TurboCAD. I knew if my components would come that I would have to make technical drawings for planning better the mobile robot. The dawing desk of the past was inactive and I saw that I had no opportunity to measure someting or to give dimensions in 3d studio. So my decision for today was to invest into the CAD software. I knew good that I would need the software also for the CNC machine that I am planning to buy this year. I reconed a little about the power consumption of the wireless router that I would buy tomorrow. Then I really was finished up and I started to write my documentation about the mobile robot. I wrote about my software efforts with Delphi according the net programming and I explained those simple programs that I wrote. The hour got late and I went to bed to sleep. In my bed I wrote diary on my pocket PC.
Wednesday, 23.03.11 Today I went to my job. After my job I went to town and I bought a Router. Then I went back home. At home I discovered that I already had a router. I was not smoking today. It was hard to endure.
Thursday,25.03.11 Today I went to my job. It was really boring there. After my job I went to the computer shop. Then I went to the library and then I went back home. At home I had a new old laptop and I was playing with it.
Friday,25.03.11 Today I went to my job and I was working. After my job I went to town. I went to the computer store where I bought my laptop. The shop was closed and I went to the bank where I saw that I had only 200Euros left on my account. I went back to the second hand computer shop. There I gave back the wireless router and I took a laptop case. I took the bus back home and at home the RC car arrived. I was testing the RC model and it functioned. I was loading the battery and as Georg came we were driving the RC car in the garden. Then I was tired and I was browsing in the internet.
Saturday,26.03.11 Today I stood up late. I saw that the battery charger of the RC car was not functioning. I opened it and I saw that the chargers transformer had no resistance at the primary coil. So I complained in the internet to the seller.
I was driving the RC car with Georg in the garden. Then I wanted to know more about the electronics of the RF transmitting device. I opened the housing of the RF transmitter and I made some experiments with it. Further I wrote a software that was decoding keyboard stokes.
Sunday,27.03.11 Today I stood up late and I had a Chaos on my table. Somehow I was finished up. I connected the radio control unit to the microcontroller board and Georg came. We were playing with the RC car. Then I went walking to the gas station and I bought tobacco. After that I wrote my documentation about that what I was doing yesterday. I cleaned up my room and I took a shower. Then I was laying in my bed and I wrote diary.
Monday,28.03.11 Today I went to my job and I was doing my stupid work. After my job I went back home immediately. At home I saw that the TurboCAD software did arrived and I have been trying it out. I installed the package and I saw that it was an amazing software. I made a first threedimensional drawing and I had some problems to add measures in 3d and I discovered then the intelligent measuring - a really good tool. I saw how an other one gave those measures and I saw what there wax the point in giving some measure data. The hour got late and I went to bed to sleep. In my bed I wrote my diary on my mobile phone.
Tuesday,29.03.11 Today I stood up early and I went to my job. At my job I told first to my bosses that I was having the new CAD software. Then I had a lesson in first aid the whole day.
After my job I went to the railstation and I bought a montly common traffic ticket. I went back home and at home I made a three dimensional drawing with windings and with a hole. The hour got late and the software was knocking on my nervs. As the drawing was finished I saw only that I had to draw lines for the position of the holes and windings. - That was not so easy but it functioned. I did nothing in electronics today.As the hour was late I went to bed to sleep.
Wednesday,30.03.11 Today I went to my job. At my job I had a computer lesson. After my job I went back home immediately. At home my IP camera arrived. I was testing it and the stepper motor was not functioning right. I opened the camera and I saw that only those stepper motors have been connected directly to the IP camera. Then I was cutting off the stepper motors and I decided to run the robot with the IP camera.
Thursday,31.03.11 Today I was going early to my job. I was tired. After my job I was going back home immediately. At home I was soldering the connections of the IP camera. I made first tests wit LED's and I saw that it would be not easy to decode the stepper motor signal. At least I decided to use a microcontroller for that.
Friday,01.04.11 Today I went to my job. It was boring at my job and there was not much work. I went back home immediately. At home I cleaned up the table in the room of father and I was programming the decoder for the stepper motor of the IP camera.
I was proamming and programming. First I had no plan but then I was watching the signal with the oscilloscope. Then I knew how I could decode the signal. I worked until late in the night and I succeeded to steer the RC toy with the IP camera.
Saturday,02.04.11 Today I was working all day on my RC project. Somehow all things didn't functioned like I thought and I was getting an imagination about Internet programming. That was heavy stuff. The RC model didn't wanted to move like I wanted. Then I discovered that the battery power was too low. In the evening I took a shower and I went to bed.
Sunday,03.04.11 Today I stood up later and I wrote my documentation about my recent activity according the mobile robot. Further I was preparing my job seeking action for tomorrow. I was printing out my curriculum vitae and I was printing out my documentation about my recent projects. Then I went walking to Aldingen and I was praying to God that I would find a good job tomorrow. After my walk I was relaxing and then I was shaving.
Monday,04.04.11 Today I woke up later. I had a bad dream. I dressed on my suit and I went to Stuttgart. There I was seeking a job in the house of economy. I went to the Conrad store as I saw there not the battery that I wanted. The other batteries have been too expensive. Then I went back home. At home I was tired and I was sleeping but I was awake. In the evening mother drove me and Georg to the psychiatrist Dr. Mammele. There I wrote my diary. After Dr. Mammele mother went to the turish store and there she bought food.
We drove back home and at home I made some modifications for my decoder. Then it was late and I went to bed to sleep.
Tuesday,05.04.11 Today I went to my job. At my job I had to measure and that was allright. In the afternoon break I was walking and there was nothing new on my account. I knew that I had not much money. After my job I went back home. At home I wrote my application and then Georg came to me. He wanted to play. I just had no time for Georg. I wrote my application and I sent the application to my chief via e-mail. As I was ready I went to bed to sleep.
Wednesday,06.04.11 Today I stood up early in the morning and I went to my job. At my job I had the computer lesson. After the lesson I went walking back to the company in the Kastanienallee.
After my job I went back home immediately. I was doing at home my application form. After that I wrote diary. After that I was writing my application form until late. I was scanning my photo and some documents that I've been getting from the company BERU. Then I went to bed to sleep.
Thursday, 07.04.11 Today I stood up early and I went to my job. I took my laptop to my job. As it was lunch time I was showing to the italian lunatic Rafaele my project with the mobile robot. Then I went back home immediately. At home I wrote my application form for the company BERU. Somehow in the internet was an error and I could not send all my documents so I decided to deliver my application tomorrow personally. I brushed my teeth and I went to bed to sleep.
Friday,08.04.11 Today I woke up very early and I have been taking the bus to the BERU company. There I was giving my application and then I went to the Theo Lorch workshop. After my job I went back home immediately. At home I had headake. I knew that this was because I had no sex for a long time. Then I went to Ludwigsburg and I bought a plastic love doll. I went to the Maier electronic store and there I bought some connectors. As I saw that I had a money left then I went to Stuttgart. There I bought three big batteries for my robot. Back at home I was loading the batteries and I was sending away another two applications.
Saturday,09.04.11 Today the battery was loaded. I stood up later and then I was testing the mobile robot. The IP camera had vibrations and the picture was not clear. In the afternoon I had to pull up the steps some stones. Then I made a second robot testing. The robot was falling from the higher balcony to the lower one. I had luck and the damage was not that big. In the evening I was surfing in the Internet and I was watching other robot projects.
Sunday,10.04.11 Today I was standing up late. I was constructing a dice in TurboCAD and then I made an animation with it. Then I went to the gas station and I was buying papers and filters for smoking. Back at home I was relaxing. After relaxing I was cleaning up my room. Then I started with constructions. First I was constructing a dice in TurboCAD then I was animating it. But then I saw that I had to do something for my job. I was scanning the sheets that I wrote during the quality control in the company and then I made first drawings of those pictures that I ad in my manuscript. The hour got late and I was brushing my teeth and I was going to bed to sleep.
Monday,11.04.11 Today I woke up early and I went to my job. At my job I took some pictures of those iron parts in the quality control. After my job I went to the library and there I was giving back my borrowed books. I drove back home after a walk through Ludwigsburg. At home I was constructing a pressure part out of casted iron. I did that until late in the evening.
Tuesday,12.04.11 Today I stood up early and I went to my job. I was very tired and in the afternoon break I wrote some lines. At my job I was tired. After my job I went back home immediately. At home I was constructing the angle casted iron part. I did that not long into the night and my concentration was bad because I was tired.
Wednesday,13.04.11 Today I stood up early and I went to my job. At my job I really had enough of my boring job and I was praying to God to find a job in aother company. Today I had the computer lesson in the Hohenzoller street and after my lesson I wrote the good bye onto the column infront of the exit door and I was praying to God that this would be a real good bye to the Theo Lorch company. I drove back with Mr. Bauhoffer to the other workshop and the mad man again was pulling his shoes infront of my wardrobe. Again I took his shoes and I wrote on the mad mans shoe : "Lord let it be the last time". I had enough of the Theo Lorch company and I needed at least a holliday. After my job I went back home. At home I had no will for a bigger construction. I was doing a small construction and soon I went to bed to sleep.
Thursday,14.04.11 Today I woke up early and I went to my job. Today it was better at my job then yesterday. After my job I was emptying my splind and I went back home immediately. At home I have been getting a negative response according my application at the FARO company. Somehow I was down but I did then my job for the Theo Lorch company and in the evening I had enough soon. Then I went to bed to sleep.
Friday,15.04.11 Today I stood up late. I was doing the constructions for my company. It was a cold day and I was sleeping in the afternoon. As I woke up I was doing the documentation for my company. I wrote 19 sheets and then I was walking to Aldingen and back. After my walk I was learning how to use TurboCad. Late in the evening I went to bed to sleep.
Saturday,16.04.11 Today I woke up later. In the morning I made a construction of a stepper motor. Then I was walking to Aldingen and back. After walking I was constructing the trigger wheel for the stepper motor. At least I made an assembly of the parts that I was constructing and I made an animation of the stepper motor. I was mowing the grass in the afternoon and I made a publication of my construction in the internet.
Sunday,17.04.11 Today I woke up late. I was constructing with my CAD software the plastic holder for the stepper motor. Then it was afternoon and I went walking to Aldingen and back. After my walk I was constructing the small screw that was needed for assembling the holder to the stepper motor. As that was ready I was constructing the plastic bottom plate. So I did the whole day constructions.
Monday,18.04.11 Today I was constructing the housing of the IP camera. In the afternoon I made a break and I went walking to Aldingen and back. Then I continued with constructions. Somehow I had no will any more for constructions. I was asking my self for whom I have been constructing all that - I asked my self for the sense of all that what I have been doing. The late afternoon came and I had no will any more after I was making an animation in the Internet. So I was laying in the bed and I was playing a stupid card game until late in the evening.
Tuesday,19.04.11 Today I was standing up at 8:00am and I was making my construction. Somehow I had enough of it all. I took my guitar and I was playing out black. Then I was creative in writing down some notes in GuitarPro and so the black melody was written. I went to the kiosk at the subway stop and there I bought some filters and papers. I went back home and I was writing diary for today and for yesterday during I was listening to what I was composing. Today I had enough somehow. After relaxing I was mowing the grass in front of late Mrs. König. After mowing the grass I was relaxing for a while. I stood up and I was walking to Aldingen and back. Today I was enjoying my holliday.
Wednesday,20.04.11 Today I was standing up later and I was constructing the head of the IP camera. As it was afternoon I had my walk to Aldingen and back. As I was back I was relaxing at home. As I had enough of relaxing I went to the bus stop and I took the bus to Ludwigsburg. In Ludwigsburg I was going to the library and there I was seeking the gas sensor in the elektor magazine. I didn't found it and so I went back home. At home I was down somehow and I did nothing. I was playing that mad mans card game and that was all.
Thursday, 21.04.11 Today I went to the bank. There I was taking a 25euros and I saw that my loan came. Then I went to the drug store. There I took the medicine for father. As I came back home I was calling Si Ding. Si Ding told to me that we shall chat in the internet today at 8:00pm. Then I went with my pants to the tool center in Kornwestheim. I bought a aluminum case during my mad parents bought 26 big stones. I was walking from Kornwestheim to Neckarrems. In Neckarrems I was carrying the stones upstairs. Then I was doing my constructions and I was chatting with Si Ding. It was late as I went to bed to sleep.
Friday,22.04.11 Today I was waking up very late and I was laying in the bed. As I had enough of laying in bed I went to the gas station and I bought tobacco. As I came back I was smoking a cigarette and then again I was in my bed. Today I just didn't wanted to work any thing. I was playing guitar and I was composing two new melodies. I was waiting for Si Ding in the internet but Si Ding was not online. Then I was composing THE END. I did that until late in the evening.
Saturday,23.04.11 Today I stood up late and I went to the post office. There I took the Chinese software ucancam. I had big expectations to the software especially to the 3d abillity. But as I was starting the software I saw that it could not import three dimensional drawings and I was disapointed. Then I was at the chinese website and there I was downloading the actual software. As I saw the actual software I only saw that it also was not able to load 3D files. I felt cheated and I was walking to Aldingen and back. As I came back home I was contacting the ucancam company in China. I found a Skype adress but there was nobody online. I saw that I had to apply in a company and I wrote my application online. It hard for me to remember the past - I just wanted to forget the past and to go new ways. But in my application I saw my past and I only saw that it was a horrible past. It was a really warm day today but somehow I felt cold and horrible as I had to remember to that what there was happening during the time of former Yugoslavia. I only saw that I was a victim of that silly war and that I had to do something for a change in my life. Sure there might be no change in my life - but the change did happened during my time of my work in the Theo Lorch company. The first time I had the feeling that I was not alone any more and the first time I saw that the time was changing - not that quickly and fast - but continuously I was doing the first steps towards a better future. I saw that those drug addictions that I had in former Yugoslavia have been only the runaway of the reallity that I had to face there. I just didn't wanted to be drawn in into any dirty game there and so I chose drugs to be a "calm" element in the mad society there. The Balkan allways was and is a region of such dirty games and I saw only that I was not born there. It made no sense there to fight for a battle where I would be only cannon food or the executor of a masacer. I saw that I had no better way in my past than to be a mad man in a society where the gouvernors had no moral - in a society of a regime that kept its citizens like numbers without a name. As I saw that reallity there then I chose Germany - the land where I was born. Sure one day my people will see the democracy here and the system here. Sure one day those will open their eyes towards a better future. I did much for a change in former Yugoslavia but now I see that my people there has to lean from the mistakes in the past. I see only that the soil in Serbia still is not a calm soil and that it allways will be a problematic region. I only saw that I who I wanted to change the society there was at least the victim and that I had nothing of that intention personally. After a time of loudness at least I came to the values for which I was suffering so many times and at least I saw that I had no other way then to keep a distance.
Sunday,24.04.11 Today I was tired because I have been not sleeping all night. Smiljka came in the morning.
Georg was in my room and he wanted to play command and conquer. So we were playing it until the late afternoon. I had enough of that war and I went walking to Aldingen and back. As I came back home I was sleeping until 9:00pm and then I thought to buy no machine this year and to travel instead of that to China.
Monday,25.04.11 Today I was contacting the chinese company ucancam. I was showing to the chinese the CAD software that I was using and I told to him that I would buy the software. Then I went walking with Georg to Aldingen and back. I told to Georg that I would leave Germany and that I would go to China if I would find no job in Germany. As I was talking with Georg it was clear for me that I would have to wait with China until next year. It was clear for me that I should try until then to find a job in Germany. But it was also clear for me that if I would fail to find a job as an engineer that I had to take an action for finding a job in China. As I came back home I was relaxing. After relaxing I had to pay the chinese software and I went to the bus stop after writing a mail to ucancam. In Ludwigsburg I went to the bank and I sent a 310 Euros to my PayPal account. Then I went back home. I had to wait a long for the bus. At home I was relaxing and I wrote diary.
Tuesday,26.04.11 Today I woke up as Georg made a noise for food. I took my breakfast and I ate it in my cellar like usually. Then I was playing command and conquer like allways as Georg was in
My room. In the afternoon I went walking with Georg to Aldingen and back. I saw that it was bad from me that I had plans to go to China and I saw that it was good for me as a mad man to be in Germany and to forget my Big career. The war was there and I saw that the war will be there again and again and that nothing will there in former Yugoslavia change. I saw that it was good for me to stay in Germany. I just thought about that what I have been through there where I should be at home in Serbia and then I saw that the situation in China would not be better for me - it would be a ten times worse. After walking I was playing that stupid computer game command and conquer until late in the evening.
Wednesday,27.04.11 Today I was doing really nothing. I just had no will any more. In the morning I was sleeping much and then in the late afternoon I took a walk to Aldingen and back. After walking I was in the bed and I was playing my mad mans game. I just thought that I should be happy to work in that handicapped company. In the evening I saw then in the internet that Japan opened ist borders for Serbian citizens and that no visa was reqired for the owners of a biometrical passport. First I had plans to travel immediately to Japan. But then I saw that I had no japanese language skills and I saw that I had no contacts in Japan. I saw that a quick journey to Japan rather would be a disaster like in Russia. I saw that this would be only a bad tribute to my gouvernment and so I decided to wait for three months and to save my money for the journey to Japan.
Thursday,28.04.11 Today I woke up earlyer and I saw that the money for the chinese software did h |